You

A swell rise inside me,
only peaks abundant,
like a thousand fluttering fireflies.
The lights, fairy like,
ebbing in continuum.
I struggle to make sense,
wrestle to find labels, words and tags.
So many,
come to mind, yet none do snugly fit.
One could cipher happiness,
correctly so,
but only part of a whole,
I'd point out.
Some nostalgia thrown in too,
a solitary tear trickling,
a smile playing upon my lips,
music long forgotten,
a song etched into my soul.
Sense of accomplishment galore,
a pinch of pride too.
The realization of Lady luck's benevolence,
a silent prayer to the stars.
Finding love, and knowing it,
enough to drown myself in,
and yet yearn to drown some more.
Try as hard as I may, words elude,
almost as if Medusa's gaze invaded my mind.
Although, Ask my bleeding heart,
And with vigor it will repeat: You.

The Story till now - Shree :- Part 2

SHREE

I don’t get even a wink of sleep before the night of the travel. I lie awake with all sorts of morbid thoughts running through my mind about how awfully wrong my journey could go. This not only goes on when I travel, but also when my loved ones do. This was one of those nights. I couldn’t stop thinking of all the different ways in which we wouldn’t meet each other’s expectations. Perhaps it would be hate at first sight. I had been obsessing over this ever since he had confirmed his trip to seal the deal.  My mind kept racing back to the first time my father had shared his profile with me.

“I’m sick of all these NRI engineers Papa! They’re all the same. Not an ounce of grey matter and boring as hell.”

“Come now Sheeru. Just speak to him once. If you don’t like how he sounds, we’ll politely decline their alliance. Ek try toh banta hai beta.”

And that is how it all began. I reasoned that I had nothing to lose by speaking to the guy once. What could one harmless conversation do? I found out the very next day; I was floored the first time I spoke to him. There was something the way he spoke. It seemed so easy to let go and say whatever was really on my mind. If you knew me, you’d understand how difficult it was for me to open up to new people. I mostly feel like I am speaking in a language different from the one that people around me understand. It felt great to have someone who finally got me! Somehow, he didn’t feel new. He felt vaguely familiar, and I took to him quite easily. I sometimes felt like he could even read my mind. I connected to him at a level that I hadn’t with anyone else before. It felt perfect, may be too perfect.

However, I had a very ominous feeling about this whole affair. It seemed too good to last. I was hoping against hope over here, for this to pan out. The last couple of years were easily my toughest ones. I had tasted failure with everything that I had touched. I wasn’t unhappy with my life, don’t misunderstand me. I was every grateful for everything that had been bestowed upon me; I just felt like I wasn’t ever enough for it all. And somehow, this incredibly familiar stranger had made me feel enough and more. He brought out emotions in me that I had kept locked up for years now. The ease that I felt around him had made me even confess my deepest darkest desires to him. He made me happier than I had ever been, and this was even before I’d laid my eyes upon him.

“Don’t worry Sheeru. It’ll all go well beta. Just have faith.”

“I know Papa. It’s just that everything seems so perfect. I feel like this is it. This either makes it or breaks it. I cannot even picture the emotional consequences for me if this doesn’t work out. And that scares me.”

“Sheeru. Calm down. Don’t think that just because the past has been tough on you, things will continue to be that way. Things, situations and times are constantly changing. Every day is not going to be a bad one for you. Trust your gut beta. Trust your heart. They will never lie to you about how you feel about someone. Take my advice: stop fretting about the decision, just look forward to enjoying the time you have with him. Some people come into our lives to stay, others just come in to bring us happiness, and leave. Don’t worry about which one of the two he is. Just go with the flow, and trust me your heart with take the decision for you.”

I jolted back to the now, as the hot water turned tepid. The day to take the call was here. Today would be our first date. Would it be the first of many? Would our online chemistry take fire in reality? I’d soon find out.

The Sop

So, all of last week, like every other Gult-Bram (Telugu Brahmin), I was on my yearly temple hopping trip with my family. This is one of the two trips of the year we embark on together as a family. Though I am not an overtly religious person, I do believe in a Higher power, and the relish the beauty and architecture of the temples. I enjoy the positive energy vibes that I get from the place. I also feel like I am accumulating a little bit of punya this way!

When we usually visit one particular temple in South India, we usually choose to ascend the temple perched upon the hill, by foot, using the staircase built for this purpose. The journey uphill usually takes between an hour and two. It's quite an arduous task, as the steps are quite old and high. On most days they're also slippery with all the haldi and kumkum pastes that people who wish to fulfill mannats dab upon the face of each step.  We started early, by about five in the morning, fearing rains afterwards. By the time we were finished with the darshan, and were going down the stairs it was about seven in the morning.

As I was descending the stairs, I noticed an old lady. She would've been about my grandmother's age. Her long silver white hair was tied into a fierce knot upon her head. She was dressed in a crimson saree, and resting upon the step, midway to the top of the hill. She looked haggard, and as if she was in some sort of a trance. Her eyes focused upon the destination ahead. A boy, sitting next to her, was pouring water from a bottle into her mouth,and dabbing at the beads of sweat upon her forehead with a paper towel. 

I had seen these kind of scenes many times before. People would get exhausted on their way uphill, and stop to rest somewhere in the middle. However, this time around, there was something fierce about this lady. The determination in her eyes was somehow different. It kept me rooted to my spot. I felt like watching her some more. As I watched, I realized why this lady had drawn my attention. The steely gaze, now made sense. She was ascending the steps on all fours. She was actually crawling up them on her knees and wrists. I had goosebumps prickle upon my skin. I had not seen something like this before. I watched her for a bit more, and quickly withdrew my gaze. 

This was stirring something inside me. Some unknown mixture of horror and awe. So many questions raced through my mind. Why? Why would someone do something like that? 

As I finished the descent, I joined my family in the car. Once inside, I relayed this entire event to my mother, and asked the same question. My mother told me, that every year, lots of people made the journey uphill in this fashion. This was one kind of a mannat; reserved only for some of the toughest people, who had gone through even tougher situations in life. People would make such mannats as sops to the Lord, their savior, in return for prevailing over an impossible life or death choice or situation in their lives. My eyes teared up for the old lady, as I comprehended all this. I let out a small prayer to the Lord, to ease her journey. I also let out another prayer in gratitude, for this life that I'd been gifted.

Letting go and Finding oneself

(Source:http://upliftconnect.com/letting-go-of-attachment/)

As I lay awake one night, tossing and turning in bed as I often do when I am unable to fall asleep; a thought struck me. Was letting go such a bad thing? What if as I let go of a person or a relationship, and in the same moment, get a glimpse of myself, an epiphany? Would that be a win or loss ?

The answer I came up with, was a surprising one.

Firstly, What is the need to let go of something or someone in life ?

In order to answer this question, I'd like to think of people as energies. Some people enter life like a breath of fresh air, and stay on without becoming stale, while others end up becoming stale and suffocate. While others, enter it with rain, gale, hail et al, and take it by storm, teach me the lesson I am to learn, and leave as suddenly as they came. To put it plainly, some people bring about a lot of positive energy with every interaction. Time spent with them makes me feel good, and helps me grow, while others sap me of energy. Without any disrespect to any person living or dead, I'd say that there are many people who drain me of all energy. Time spent with such people makes me miserable, and I find myself dreading every encounter with them, absolutely toxic.This is when I know that it is time to let go.

Letting go is a painful process. Trust me. It pains me a lot to let go of people; some of whom I loved (or love) dearly. I feel like someone's wringing my heart with all their might, with the intent to pulverise. But, I realised the hard way, that letting go is a process one must indulge in.It's not a place I'd go to willingly, but it is one that I must visit periodically. And as cold and heartless as it might sound, once a person stops aiding the path to growth in life, they must be let go. True, that it is not kind to hurt another person in that way, but there is no greater sin than self harm. Self preservation is of prime importance over here.

So, it is safe to say that letting go of toxic people and things in life is a win.

Secondly, What is knowledge of self ?

In my opinion, the knowledge of self is the most coveted knowledge of all. Knowing oneself propels a person onto a path of grown that is of incredible clarity. It maximises the person's purpose in life, as well as an instrument to serve society. As much as I'd like to believe that most of my actions are emotionally driven, it is true that there exists a rational root behind every emotion. Identifying this rational thought behind emotions and subsequent action, helps to understand oneself better. Once a person knows themselves well, the path forward becomes exceedingly clear. Acceptance of oneself, and identifying the shortfalls, helps a person know where they need to correct themselves.

I believe that knowledge of the past prepares us for what the future has to bring. Thus it is imperative to introspect upon the happenings of the past, and keep the lessons learnt close to the heart. There is no formula as such to win in life. However, the lessons of the past coupled with the knowledge of self, help dispel at least a fraction of the uncertainly of how to take life by the horns.

Thus, knowledge of self, even a glimpse of it, is a win.

Lastly, What if the letting go of someone, leads to a glimpse of oneself?

Once I let go of people who hold me back in life, I feel like the roller coaster of emotions that take hold of me, spin me into a spiral of thinking and introspection. I get to understand what I crave for in life. I feel like a small part of the path I am to take in life, has been uncovered. I understand clearly, what it is that I want ( or atleast don't want), both from myself and the people around me. This once again puts me onto the path of self discovery. A win once again.

So to conclude, letting go is painful, but it is something that needs to be done nevertheless; if it comes with a glimpse of self discovery, it's worth it. So a win, through and through.

Just like Waves

Like every other poet-ess of my time, I believe that the best expression of my thoughts is through my poetry. So, here is one to talk about my state of mind at the moment.

Just as waves do,

They surge, they ebb.

High and mighty,

Ascending to dizzying heights,

Low, and down below,

Drowning to the sinking abyss.

Such is the journey,

Called Life.

Just like the sand.

A clean slate,

Waiting for the imprints,

Of the myriard laughs you bring.

As your feet dig in,

A memory is sown.

Such is the journey,

Called Life.

Just like the shells,

Scattered about.

Some oyster like,

Holding pearls of happiness within.

Priceless.

Others hollow and empty,

Worthless.

Ensuing one misery,

After the other.

Such is the journey

Called Life.

Just like the Sun,

Sinking for the day into

The black depths of the ocean.

Ascertaining, the value of every ray.

Soon to be extinguished.

With the promise of a come back,

Once again,

Again and again.

Such is the journey,

Called Life.

A Friend in Need

 I had just showered. As I dried my damp hair, I walked into my closet. I ran my hand over the various ensembles I could put together. I studied my reflection in the mirror as I had done every morning.  An off white blouse, with a dark grey skirt, or perhaps a mustard yellow blouse with a navy blue skirt- one of them would surely do the trick, for the client presentation today. My clients were all I lived for after I’d started working as an Analyst for a financial firm. Don’t get me wrong. I loved my job. It kept me on my toes, and still excited me after four years. The downside was my dwindling social life. I hardly had the time to keep in touch with my old friends, let alone, make new ones.

 The mustard yellow blouse appealed to me today. After a quick breakfast, I examined my final look in the mirror. I hurried down the stairs; I was running late, again.  As I approached my car in the parking space across the road, I noticed that something was not quite right. I could see flies hovering around on the inside of the car. That was not possible; Unless, the window of the car was broken! Indeed, the passenger’s the side window was broken. Powdered glass debris lay scattered all over the seat. I moved cautiously towards the driver’s side of vehicle in a state of shock, prepared for the worst. That’s when I saw the worst of it: the dashboard had been vandalized! The custom made stereo system, along with the speakers had been pulled out- wires et al.

 I was dazed. I had only heard of car theft. I had no idea what was supposed to be done when confronted with something like this. I could feel the tears flowing down my cheeks, and the sobs escaping my mouth in between gulps of air. I felt defeated, alone.That’s when my neighbor, for the better part of the last one month approached me. I remember him handing me a bottle of water to drink, as he patted my back, uttering reassurances of “there, there”.  He then proceeded to take a look at my car, taking in the damage.

 “Is your car insured?” he asked me, “Oh yes! It is.” I answered, suddenly realizing that I could put in a claim for more than half of this damage. I heaved a sigh of relief. The situation was redeemable! He then proceeded to ask me whether I had reported the theft to the police, and then explained the procedure with the insurance company. He even offered to drive me to the police station and the insurance company office in his vehicle. “Don’t worry, I’ll help you wrap this up. I know a couple of people down at the station”, he said.

 I felt blessed to have him beside me on that day. He was true to his word. He not only drove me to the station and insurance company, but also took care of all the other paper work, just taking my signatures on the dotted lines. We even grabbed a pizza along the way; he had turned this adversity into a picnic! He was an angel in disguise for me that day. He spent an entire day helping someone he hardly knew; to ease their distress. He made me believe that humanity wasn’t dead, that all the world needed to become a better place was more people like him.

 “Hey! I completely forgot to ask you. What’s your name?” I asked him as we just pulled up into his parking spot. “I’m Krish”, he said extending his hand to shake. “I’m Siya”, I said drawing him into a hug. I’d made a new friend.  

Time Heals.

Been trying,

seems like forever now.

Evades me, 

makes me relive,

those moments,

perhaps, forbidden ones too.

Happiness, sorrow,

treachery, love.

Reeling in my closed eyes.

Revisiting those places,

left far behind.

On a road, 

forgotten, till now.

Laughter still rings,

Cries and screams echo.

Haunt, even.

On an old path,

long gone.

Still feel my heart thumping,

loud and clear.

Still hear the voice calling.

Even feel my feet carrying me,

towards the alluring call.

Warm embrace, cold breath,

fingers entwined. 

Remember the giddy,

heady, overwhelming 

sweet pain. 

A sigh reverberates.

It is all over now. 

Time heals, does it really?

Grey hair, and wrinkles galore,

Yet,

only takes a moment,

to go back to that time.

Where my wounds are still sore,

blood still ebbs, 

and stands my body,

ripped apart from its Soul.

The canvas, called life

The biggest and most difficult decision is life always about, what we want to make of it. So, how do most of us take that call? How do we know what the right thing to do is or even to not do? How do we know that what we’re doing today will benefit us tomorrow? How do we know that we’ll be happy?

Now, let me try to answer all those questions to the best of my experience and knowledge.

The call. The trickiest thing ever, to be or not to be. This is perhaps the toughest one. I for one, never ever know, even till the last minute, and more often than not, just end up trusting my gut. I find this one so difficult, that once, out of sheer frustration, unable to discuss or argue further about whether to do or not, I simply tossed a coin.

Heads, I do it. Tails, I don’t.

At other, more sensible and sane times, I call up my closest friends, and pour my heart out to them, and let them give me inputs and then decide. And sometimes, I just blindly follow the societal norm of what’s expected and do it. So many different ways for just one person to decide.

But that is the nature of the hurdles life throws to us. Sometimes, it’s an easy catch, and sometimes we need to dive, and scrape our elbows for it!

The next hurdle is always after you take the call, whether the call we’ve taken is right or not. Now, that’s something that we have no way of knowing before taking the call. Some decisions on the face of it appear to be the most correct, but might not be so in reality, while others may appear to be not so good, but might benefit us the most!

So, what I believe is that only 50% of the decision is ever completely in our hands, for the other 50%, we just need to take a leap of faith. Which means, jump first, and pray real hard that there be a cushion underneath!

In short, what I mean to say is that let your life take you places, but then once there, you always have the choice of what you’re going to make out of it. From there on courage, determination, discipline and love help us make our lives.

Our life is like an empty canvas, life gives us the assortment of paints that we’re to use on it, to make it beautiful and fruitful. Now, it’s our choice what kind of shades we choose to paint on it, and in what way. We may just splash random colours, and make a mess of it, or plan ahead, choose the right shades, and make a gorgeous painting out of it.

And what’s to happen when the paint runs out? No worries, life will always give us the option to open a whole new set of paints, with different shades, they might be different from what we’ve used before, but there’re also paints.

Wonder who’s the paintbrush in the entire scenario?

Some people like to call it destiny, some fate, and some others like to call him God. Just like the paintbrush helps to transfer the paint onto the canvas, God/fate/destiny helps us to find our path in life.

So, don’t fret if life isn’t a smooth ride right now. It might be a bumpy ride right now, but yes, Life will take us to that special place, and we’ll make it a haven, a wonderful place of our own, and carve out our niche.

A little something I drew for a Friend's birthday

For a friend who'd been there for me always, in my best and worst times, I felt that just buying something wouldn't give me the satisfaction. So, I decided to sit down, and sketch a little something for him, have it framed, and sent. This is what I sketched, and yes, my friend loved it :)

Know Thyself

Okay. No.

 This is plain weird. I have never ever directly typed out whatever came out of my mind, and posted it. I don't know why I feel like doing this today. I  can't point my finger at the 'why' and answer it. But I sure do know that something is amiss. I normally don't crave for so much of company. I have been quite a loner, and don't really mind my own company. Sometimes, I'd rather be alone than in someone's company. Today is different, I have absolutely no idea, why I feel this way.

 This is how it is. The mind is such a malicious thing. It makes us feel, such a variety of things and that too for no apparent sensible reason. I cannot possibly fathom the cause of this disturbance. Sometimes, I wish that we could sit face to face, and have a frank conversation with our minds to know what was exactly going on. 

Picture this: Mr.Mind and me, are sitting across the table, at a coffee shop, sipping coffee, and I ask him, "Hi mind, why are you behaving in this weird, inexplicable fashion?".

Sigh.Wish.

But then, here I am, with my laptop open, logged into blogger and typing out this article, straight from my volatile mind. It's not like I have nothing better to do. If I sat down this second to jot down all the work that I have to finish, I can assure you it'd be one really long list!

Then, Why am I here? Why am I typing this out?

I have a set of very close friends. Strangely, I don't feel like calling up any of them, and talking to them about this. Guess, this is something I want to talk to just myself about. Again, Sigh. Wish.

Well, the best way for me summarize it, is in poetry, so here goes:

Know Thyself

Are you playing with me now?

'what makes you think so?'

These moods,

those thoughts,

come on, you think

 I don't know your style?

'don't you go around,

fooling yourself this way!

knowing me, aint that easy,

you'd hope, beg and pray!'

You're the one fooling me,

confusing me,

and giving me a real tough time,

this way!

'cribbing won't take you

anyplace.

nor will engaging in a

litany.'

What else is there for me?

with you not even by my side.

Advice me, show me some

insight!

'calm down, soothe

those wild thoughts,

be aware, awaken,

take charge,

control me, let not me control you!

Know Thyself.'

Magic words, 

will they help?

'know thyself,

that's enough for all.'

Well, that answered all my questions didn't it. Simple solution, Calm down, think straight, take it slow, and most of all, know yourself. Know yourself well, and accept yourself first, for whatever you are.

Note: Everything single word in this post is truly unedited.

Arranged marriage ?

Arranged marriages. In India arranged marriages are so common, in fact 90% of marriages in India are still arranged. To an outsider, this might seem nothing short of scary!

To some people arranged marriage is a big no-no, while some consider it to be the last resort. Not able to find someone you like, or not able to make it worth with the people you do like, there you go, the arranged marriage is for you. This is not always the case. In my opinion, it is something new, something fresh, and change in life. Isn't it better to slowly eventually fall in love with the man you have married ? I'd like that, much more romantic anyday.

This video just puts my thoughts in action. Made by Nars Krishnamachari. A beautiful video.

Though this video does not actually represent the outcome or the process that every arranged marriage follows. It's a good one, and leaves you smiling to your self. 

Hide and Seek

Hide and seek.
Don't play hide and seek now,
the sun's about to sign off
for the day,
the moon's walking in,
our way.
I am tired now,
worried too,
Come on, come out, wherever you are,
stop making me run about,
I aint so young anymore, you see.
my sight's faltering,
and steps uncertain,
come on, come out, reveal yourself now.
why do you play,
so much in the dark, I say.
Show me yourself now,
Can't wait anymore.
You've made me weary in the day,
and hazy vision in the night,
Expose yourself,
and show me the way now.
You know,
you're the only respite,
to take me forward.
So, come on, come out, wherever you are!
Lead me away,
from these shadows,
show me the path of light,
bright and shiny.
Fill me,
with what you promised.
Hope.
Hope to live on,
move on,
achieve more,
bring sense,
meaningful.
Come on, come out, wherever you are!

Best sketch till date !

Okay. I have still not started classes in sketching, thanks to the bandh happening in my city :(. But, what I did do, is roll out my best sketch (in my opinion) till date, sitting at home. Here it is for your viewing pleasure !

Hope my readers like this one ! Do let me know ! Au Revoir !

Fathers

I have just returned from a short vacation in Kuwait, with my father. Though close, my father and me don't agree much on many accounts. In spite of our various differences, and arguments, I truly had an awesome time with my father.  Thus decided to sit down, and write a poem about how much my father meant to me. Here it is :

“Papa”
One of the first words I said,
The one who read me those
Bed-time stories,
Answered my very many queries,
Carried me in his arms,
On his shoulders, chest and head,
The only one who could,
Put me to bed.

“Dad ! Dad! Come quick!”
The one who took me places,
To dance class, music class,
And helped me win those Aces.
Taught me Math, and Science,
And helped me make my Mark.
The only Man behind my success,
And the only Man standing,
In my losses.

“Dad, I know this. I’ll handle it.”
The one who stood patiently,
And impatiently,
Understanding,
And not Understanding,
Worried, concerned, and petrified,
Granting independence,
Watching his lil girl,
Bloom.

“Dad! I can’t believe this is happening to me!”
The one who consoled,
Wiped those tears, and said those soothing,
Yet, criticising words.
Convincing, of a better,
Brighter future, and highlighting,
All those good things you’ve done.

“Dad! I’ll miss you.”
The one who understood the most,
Missing you in equal measure,
Hiding those tears, while,
Wiping yours.
Praying, and Wishing,
That the New Man, would love,
And care for you, much more
Than he did.

“Dad, what do I do?”
The one who answered your,
Questions about life,
Discussed, argued and even fought.
Helped make some of the best decisions.

“Dad! Isn’t she beautiful?”
The one who first carried your little angel,
Just like he’d carried you,
Thinking about how his lil girl,
Is all grown up now.
And reminiscing all those,
wonderful times,
His lil girl had given him.

This poem comes straight from my heart, dedicated to all fathers. Dad, I Miss You. Love you :) Truly enjoyed these 10 days with you.

Fruit of sheer Boredom

Its been more than a week, since I have come on this vacation to Kuwait. Kuwait is where I have done my schooling, and spent most time in my life. But without my friends here, or school to look forward to here, boredom had taken charge of my life. In order to yawn it away, I just picked up a pencil and a sketch pad. This is what lay in front of me after two hours.

This is my first sketch after more than a year. Hah. High time I went back to sketching classes to learn, and improve my technique.

Do let me know of your thoughts on this one :)

Awesome !

I am incredibly happy ! Though a little upset over some aspects, over all, I am Happy, and Content. It was a decent show, and I have recieved some fabulous appreciation, and also some criticism. I got cited, and covered by seven local newspapers ! And It all feels awesome !!

It is such an exhilarating feeling to have pursued a passion, and listen to some praises, comforting words, from the eminent people present, and the audienence alike. It was a proud moment for my parents, and I felt even more proud to have put them in those shoes.

Two pics of the event close to my heart :)

I want to thank evry single person who made this evening possible, and those who have been my support in every walk of life.

Thoughts unstoppered.

It has been such a long time since I've written anything about the happennings in my life. So, today, I just suddenly had this thought. There is so much going on in my life at the moment, I just so, have to document it!

I am incredibly excited about the dance performance that's coming up. I am also at the same time, so tensed, whether I shall be able to recreate the magic on stage, even today, 4 years from my last performance. I have worked so very hard for just this moment in time. I have put in every effort, and worked up every cell in my body for this one. I desperately want this  to work. I crave the stage, and spotlight once again, but am also fearful whether I shall be able to utilise, and showcase my talent or not.  I am even losing my appetite! Mixture of  all these emotions makes me want to write a poem to put it all out ( may be 'cause, I seem to express myself much better in poetry, than in any other form of expression).

So I go ahead, and get a pen, and a paper( sounds much better than saying, I just opened MS word :D), to write that poem, and get those thoughts out. Here is what I ended up with.

Overwhelming.
Thats what all this is.
I remember,
may be you've forgetten,
but oh yes, I do.
The sound still rings in my ears,
and what sound!
The most beautiful one
could yearn for.
Applause.
Crave for it, we all do.
Spotlight, upon me.
Center of attaraction.
Appreciation showered, by all alike.
All of six years.
Today, almost eons later,
I yearn, crave, and want,
everything again.
But, Worry, Nerves,
envelope me,
Will I shine once more?
Or, will I loom dark?
Then, the tiny voice,
I hear,
"Leave it to the Lord, my love,
Leave it all to him."
Peace. Confidence. Acceptance. Courage.
Fill my heart.

Well those are my thoughts, out and about now. I feel so much lighter, and happy to have shared all this with you. I truly feel at peace. And woah ! Looks like I just got my appetite back, am going to go and grab a sandwich now. Chao !

Land

I had not known of this,

Till you came walking into my life.

Taught me to love, without thought.

Made it colourful, you did,

Filled each minute with beautiful

Memories to live by.

But, you had to leave didn’t you?

Your land needed you,

Leaving me to alone, waiting for you,

By the door.

I waited, oh yes I did,

I knew you were in each thought of mine,

As I was in yours.

Your letters gave me courage,

I knew you were fine,

They smelt of you and the land,

Both one and the same now.

I felt your arms embrace me once more,

A dream but it was, blissful, serene, peaceful.

Breathtaking to have felt your perfect self,

But broken it was, like a bubble.

You did not return, but time passed

For everyone but me,

I was still there at the door,

Waiting as always.

One day, I saw you.

I’m sure I did.

It was you in a coffin, decorated with

Honors I knew not of.

I thought you belonged to me,

But no, you belonged to the land,

Land that had brought about your being.

land that had brought us together,

land that was now tearing us apart for good.

As you like it.

" Hey ! It's been a while since we've had some time together. I am so happy you could finally make it today. So tell me how's life been ?"

"Well, I've had a good share of the highs and the lows."

"Now, that doesn't sound very happy to me. You want to talk about it?"

"I don't know. I am so confused."

" Its okay. Go on tell me. Lets figure a way out."

"Its just that you know, I have to do so much to keep this person happy. Sometimes, I don't recognise myself anymore."

"What are you saying? There is always a limit to how much you are willing to compromise. I always thought that you were a bold, outspoken and frank person. Why are you doing this to yourself now? Why not just tell the truth?"

"I just feel that, to keep them happy, I am willing to go to any level. But I do see what you mean, I feel lifeless now. I end up spending so much time in the company of people I cannot even stand the sight of. It's crazy. I also end up doing so many things that I don't like, and also not doing some of the things that I just love."

"See, every friendship, or relationship requires a little understanding, and adjustment, but this is way too much. I personally feel, that we live just once. We mustn't spend too much time doing the things that we don't like, or spend too much time with people we don't like. You just have to realise that, a person who doesn't have the ability to understand you, as you are, doesn't even deserve your time, effort or attention in anyway. So, in turn you don't actually need to compromise so much. It's not too late, don't lose yourself now."

"You know, what you're saying is so true. I realise what I am doing to myself right now. It's not even worth my time and energy. "

"It's better late than never ! I am happy that you at least are in the position to understand what is happening. See, life is too short to spend it in misery. Life is a gift, use it well. Live it well, use your abilities to the best possible end, wholeheartedly serve those who are in need, indulge in some spiritually enhancing activities. Don't waste your time on people who fail to see your worth. Happiness is a state of mind, feel consciously happy, and that's when you'll be able to spread it to people around you. Always only indulge in activities that keep you happy. Simple rule in life."

"I understand, this is just what I needed to know. Thanks so much for being there."

" Don't say that ! It's for things like this that, friends like me exist."

Thoughts.

Everything happens for a reason,
they say.
Mind, nevertheless,
constructs, and destructs,
fantasies, like no other.
If, only we had lasted.
What, If we hadn't met?
If, I was younger.
If, I was older.
If, I had only known, back then.
Would, life be any different?
Can the mind predict?
Did, I really know back then?
If, I had,
would I still have done the same.
Things would change, If I hadn't?
Am I happier?
Was I sadder?
Am, I lying now?
Was, I lying then?
Regret? Pain? Suffering?
Contentment? Love? Happiness?

Stop!
Think straight.
The Truth.
What am I feeling?
I know,
Relief.

Is it worth it?
Totally is.