Cheated on..

It hurt to even think about it.

I wondered, how long would it take me to get over this? Would I always find myself in tears thinking about it? Or worse, would I just stubbornly shut it all up in one corner of my brain, and never visit it again? Would I be able to do that? Or would I erupt with emotions like a volcano, unable to bottle up too much?

Nobody had ever told me it would feel like this. Nobody had prepared me for this one. Nobody ever even thought that it would happen to me. Anybody but me. We were easily the most ideal couple known to friends. Probably, that’s the reason we didn’t last. Ideal relationships don’t exist.

Our love story had been something right out of a Hindi movie, very dramatic. I had first laid my eyes on him during a dance workshop in my college. I was in the first year of college then, and he was in his final year. You could call it love at first sight. He looked like a Greek God to me. Those beautiful hazel eyes, the straight aristocratic nose, and the dimpled smile. He had completely swept me off my feet. The next day, he asked me out on a date. We hit off instantly. Every waking moment was in his company. After I graduated, he approached my parents. Things didn’t go down too well with them, we were of different castes. After a year, I did manage to convince my parents, but they’d made it plain that they’d have nothing to do with me after the wedding. I was dead to them.

Looking back at the way I thought we loved each other, and how much in love we were. It had been very difficult for me to believe that he had done this to me.

Somebody should gift me a self-help guide, which would probably go along the lines of "Rulebook for dumped, cheated-on wives."

For the first one month, my brain was filled with only one question. "Why?"
I was young, beautiful, intelligent, qualified, and sexy. I had been married to Amar, just over three years, when I found out about his extra curricular activities.

I had happened to come home early one winter afternoon, and found her in my silk robe, on his lap.

I was enraged, broken and felt betrayed. I could almost taste the hate and anger running through my body in my veins. I immediately filed for divorce, and he was more than happy to let go of me.

I always had very strong beliefs about adultery and the breach of trust in a marriage. For me, it was the worst thing a person could do to another. Nothing was worse than lying to a person who trusted and loved you the most. It was worse than murder. Murder just crumples the body; treachery crumples a person’s heart, rendering them unable to feel anything. Total numbness prevails.

Her name was Anita. At first, they were just colleagues at office. Later, "good friends". There were even times when we three would hang out together. Now thinking about it made me feel like, at all those get-togethers, Amar and Anita were always just silently laughing at how foolish I was. Unable to see, what they were doing to my life. They must’ve found it very amusing; I was tying the noose around my own neck without even knowing about it.
　
It’s been a year now, since I found out. I still find it difficult to think about it. It hurts. I know that my heart is somewhat mended, taped up to hold it together, but you can still see the cracks in it.

I doubt if I will fall in love ever again. I doubt if I will ever trust again.

But I also had beliefs about the way God functioned. When he closed a door in your face, he also opened a window to your back.