Cheated on..

It hurt to even think about it.

I wondered, how long would it take me to get over this? Would I always find myself in tears thinking about it? Or worse, would I just stubbornly shut it all up in one corner of my brain, and never visit it again? Would I be able to do that? Or would I erupt with emotions like a volcano, unable to bottle up too much?

Nobody had ever told me it would feel like this. Nobody had prepared me for this one. Nobody ever even thought that it would happen to me. Anybody but me. We were easily the most ideal couple known to friends. Probably, that’s the reason we didn’t last. Ideal relationships don’t exist.

Our love story had been something right out of a Hindi movie, very dramatic. I had first laid my eyes on him during a dance workshop in my college. I was in the first year of college then, and he was in his final year. You could call it love at first sight. He looked like a Greek God to me. Those beautiful hazel eyes, the straight aristocratic nose, and the dimpled smile. He had completely swept me off my feet. The next day, he asked me out on a date. We hit off instantly. Every waking moment was in his company. After I graduated, he approached my parents. Things didn’t go down too well with them, we were of different castes. After a year, I did manage to convince my parents, but they’d made it plain that they’d have nothing to do with me after the wedding. I was dead to them.

Looking back at the way I thought we loved each other, and how much in love we were. It had been very difficult for me to believe that he had done this to me.

Somebody should gift me a self-help guide, which would probably go along the lines of "Rulebook for dumped, cheated-on wives."

For the first one month, my brain was filled with only one question. "Why?"
I was young, beautiful, intelligent, qualified, and sexy. I had been married to Amar, just over three years, when I found out about his extra curricular activities.

I had happened to come home early one winter afternoon, and found her in my silk robe, on his lap.

I was enraged, broken and felt betrayed. I could almost taste the hate and anger running through my body in my veins. I immediately filed for divorce, and he was more than happy to let go of me.

I always had very strong beliefs about adultery and the breach of trust in a marriage. For me, it was the worst thing a person could do to another. Nothing was worse than lying to a person who trusted and loved you the most. It was worse than murder. Murder just crumples the body; treachery crumples a person’s heart, rendering them unable to feel anything. Total numbness prevails.

Her name was Anita. At first, they were just colleagues at office. Later, "good friends". There were even times when we three would hang out together. Now thinking about it made me feel like, at all those get-togethers, Amar and Anita were always just silently laughing at how foolish I was. Unable to see, what they were doing to my life. They must’ve found it very amusing; I was tying the noose around my own neck without even knowing about it.
　
It’s been a year now, since I found out. I still find it difficult to think about it. It hurts. I know that my heart is somewhat mended, taped up to hold it together, but you can still see the cracks in it.

I doubt if I will fall in love ever again. I doubt if I will ever trust again.

But I also had beliefs about the way God functioned. When he closed a door in your face, he also opened a window to your back.

Amy Kumar-A thinking Dancer

Q. How did your journey with Kuchipudi begin?

A: Well, I don’t know how to put it as a journey. It all happened ten years back, I was in the 5^th standard and I always loved dancing. It wasn’t kuchipudi as such because I come from a Christian background, and Classical dance wasn’t something that was introduced to me by my family. It so happened that I was at my Father’s Office in Habsiguda(Hyderabad), and there was a Dance institute in the adjacent house. I saw children dancing, and asked my mother to take me there, and that’s how it started.

Q. How important a role does your family play in this successful journey of yours?

A: According to me, Family plays a very important role in anything you do in life, dancing in particular. I say this because I have seen a lot of people give up this art form because of lack of family support. In a lot of families, people are against dance itself, because of the elements of its past, like the Devadasi system, where girls used to dance in temples, or the mujras of the north etc. Thus for a lot of reasons people don’t appreciate classical dance. Thus Family support is very important. Even more so, because like every other field, even this one has a lot of politics, and other testing times. I consider myself very lucky to have had the support of my family at all times. Before, I realised my interest in dance, my parents realised it. Not just my parents but also my extended family, my grandparents, my uncles and aunts, they always came for all my shows. I’ve been very lucky that way. On a scale of 1 to 100, I would give them 101.

Q. Tell us some more about your Guru, and do tell us that which feature of hers inspires you the most.

A: I learnt my basics from Mr.Raghavachary and later pursued dance under the tutelage Mrs. Krishna Bharathi for five years.

My present guru is Dr. Anupama Kailash, she holds a PhD in Classical Dance. She is very young compared to other gurus in the city. She’s a very easy person to deal with, especially for youngsters, because she comes down to our level, she thinks at our level and then interacts. She’s very different from the usual traditional gurus, even the way she teaches is different from the traditional way of teaching dance. The way she tries to relate things to us, especially when she is choreographing, or when she’s teaching she makes it a little more interesting. Best thing about her is that she makes us understand the meaning of what we’re dancing, the theory and everything. I truly love her for everything that I have learnt from her.

One thing that I really admire about her is her creativity. It is very evident when we see a work of hers, that there is always something different, something new in it. She puts in a lot of effort to do something different from the same old items, and dances. She is able to relate to the happenings around us today, and put that into the dance form. She’s very contemporary, and a thinking dancer.

Q. What do you mean by a thinking dancer?

A: Well, It means that she always takes some time to do a proper research about the topic, and theory upon which she is to perform, and then choreographs. For example, two years back we did this ballet called ‘Krishnam Vande Jagat Gurum’. Even before she started the choreography, she took about 2-3 months to do some research about Lord Krishna, and thus many unknown aspects of Krishna were brought out in that ballet. A Lot of theory has gone into it, not only the dance, but also the lyrics and vocal aspect. I don’t say that such dancers are completely absent, but such people are very few.

Q. You’ve had the rare opportunity of performing with a doyen of Kuchipudi like Dr. Swapnasundari. How much do you value that opportunity, and how has it impacted your dance?

A: Well, Dr.Swapnasundari garu is an amazing person. She is full of knowledge, a fantastic choreographer, and dancer and you could say that there is an aura of knowledge radiating from her. The first time that I met her, I was scared, because it was very evident that she is a Padmabhushan. She knows what she’s worth and proud of it too. That’s one of the things that I learnt from her. I had taken part in a ballet choreographed by her, and it was a very different experience from what I was used to with my Guru. The training sessions were vigorous, and that’s another thing I learnt, that no matter how big or great dancer you may become, training and practice are very important. We were with her for a month, and we would practice for at least 3-4 hours every day. She also gave us a piece to choreograph on our own, which was a great experience. We can also just watch her perform and learn. Her abhinaya(expressions) and her footwork is simply amazing. It was an amazing experience in totality, and I feel very lucky to have gotten this opportunity. I give the credit to my Guru for giving me the opportunity; it was through her that I was introduced to Dr.Swapnasundari garu.

Q. IS there anything in your life that you would like to unlearn?

A: Nothing. I’m happy with everything I have learnt, and experienced. I think that it was necessary for me to see both the good and bad aspects of things; otherwise I wouldn’t appreciate what I have. Witnessing the politics in the field, being pushed back, being called arrogant at the age of fourteen , are some of the things that I have been through, but even they have taught me a thing or two. I appreciate what I have, more now because of everything that I have experienced. I’m also happy that I learnt even some of the wrong things in dance, because, now, I look back and laugh at all that. I’m happy about everything that I have done.

Q. That’s a great attitude to carry forward in life. I also know that you’re not only an accomplished dancer, but also a Veena artiste, are you also learning Nattuvangam?

A: I will be training very soon in Nattuvangam also, as I take classes at home now. Dance is an integral part of my future and hence I will learn everything that is related to dance.

Q. You’re also teaching Kuchipudi at Tarnaka(Hyderabad), do you enjoy teaching?

A: I do enjoy teaching; it’s something that I’ve always enjoyed doing. I think it’s something that runs in my blood because both my mother and my maternal grandmother were teachers. I like sharing what little I know, and I thoroughly enjoy it.

Q. Be it being a meritorious student, a successful dancer, or a veena artiste, you’ve been there and done that. How do you manage to strike that perfect balance?

A: I don’t really know, I just do things as they come. When I’m doing a particular thing, I give it my 100%. I don’t do half baked things. We have 24 hours a day, just divide your day and give each part your 100%. The most important thing of all is Interest, and dedication. If you have the interest to do it, you will automatically give your 100% to it.

Q. What is your most defining moment?

A: There are quite a few of them, but I think that the most emotional one of them was when I did my Arangetram(Ranga Pravesham) in my 9^th standard. I was to propose the vote of thanks, and I broke down while thanking my parents. That has been recorded in a lot of people’s minds and many even remember me that way till this day. That was the day when I realised how lucky I was to have such amazing parents

There was this school competition which I participated in, when I was in my 6^th standard. It was the first time I was dancing on stage and the whole experience of getting dressed up and dancing excited me a lot. My mom at the back of her mind wanted me to win. I won the competition, and my mother was in tears.

Also, meeting so many people, artistes, being honoured and appreciated after a program.

There are many small things like this. I’m a very happy person. I’m happy with a lot of things in life. Every time I see a smile on my parent’s faces when I achieve something.

Q. As a Dancer of today, what’re your main concerns?

A: I just hope that more thinking dancers come into existence, and not stick to same old things. For instance, the way we dress in Kuchipudi, and the synchronization is not great. That’s probably one of the reasons why, when we go out of Andhra or India, Bharatnatyam is more widely known. It’s not that we don’t have it in us to be that way, but we’re just content with what we have. Thus people of our age, should try and make the effort , as it is equal to Bharatnatyam in every way.

Q. Besides, Kuchipudi, and Veena what are your other hobbies?

A: I love reading, its something I’ve started doing off late. I love spending time with my family, I’m a very family person. I love sleeping and eating. I’m like any other teenager, who loves doing the regular stuff.

Q. What is the scene in the dancing arena for other upcoming artistes?

A: It’s very good as long as you have your family’s support, a good Guru, dedication, and the readiness to face some politics. I think the opportunities are going to improve specially in Kuchipudi, as no one is ready to stand in the background for long. Everyone wants to take the centre stage. Things are definitely going to be better.

Q. What are your future plans?

A: Academically, I would want to continue with my MSc. When it comes to dance, I’m done with my BA in dance, and I wish to do my MA. Right now this is it; whatever happens later shall be seen.

Trust you, Yes I do!...My poem is now out!

Trust is the most important part of being in love, here's my point of view on the same, in verse for you--->http://theviewspaper.net/trust-you-yes-i-do/

How many times can you fall in love?

Rahul from KKHH would say " Hum jite ek baar hain, marte ek baar hain, shaadi bhi ek hi baar hoti hai, aur pyaar....pyaar bhi ek hi baar hota hai."

I don't agree.

Why hasn't smart a** Rahul, considered that probably you can fall in love a good number of times, not necessarily romantically, and not necessarily with different people. I've always wondered, suppose you love someone, not dearly, but you do love them, and on one fine day, the special someone, does something, well...err...special for you, woudn't your degree of love increase? So, does that mean you're falling in love with the person all over again, and this time more deeply?

I would definitely like to think so.

Falling in love, with the same person multiple number of times is ofcourse possible, our Rahul from KKHH is a big example. Contrary to his own belief, he falls in love with Anjali unknowingly, falls in love with Tina, and again realises and falls in love with Anjali.

So we can conclude that falling in love with the same person again is possible.

Next, the prospect of being in love with people you're not romantically involved with. It can be a very special friend, a very special cousin, your siblings, your parents, and so on. I fail to see, why these relationships are not often counted as love by people. Well, why not! You love them don't you? So yes, you can be in love with more than one person at one said time.

Love is divine. Love is beautiful. Love is for people to spread around, and not let it rot with one person alone.

How many times can you fall in love? As many times as you want to.Period.

My Poem gets Published ! Again !!

Check out my poem on misery !!! ------------>http://theviewspaper.net/misery-the-answers-lie-deep/